I'll Have a Blue Christmas Without You

When Luke was ten or twelve, or something like that, he wanted a Play Station 2 for Christmas.  So did his best buddy, Kyle.  That is all they talked about, thought about and dreamt about for months.  Luke would lay in bed at night before he went to sleep and pretend he was holding the controller and move his fingers really fast.  He was "practicing" he said, for when he got his PS2.  He even had pictures of it from the Sunday ads in the Kalamazoo Gazette taped to his bedroom door.

I had done extra work at flu shot clinics that year for money for Christmas.  Luke's dad and I decided that we would purchase the Play Station for him.  We bought it at Sams Club, I remember.  It had the actual Play Station, a couple of controllers, and a few starter games.  I knew how excited my boy would be on Christmas morning and couldn't wait to see his face when he came racing out of his bedroom and found it under the tree.

But after I thought about it for a while, I didn't want the gift to be from Santa.  After all, he hadn't given flu shots to 80 grown people who were all afraid of needles.  I did.  So it was decided that the Play Station would come from Mom and Dad.   Luke was playing Roller Hockey that year and was in need of some equipment.  Santa would buy the hockey stick, pants and jersey.

Feeling happy with my decision, I wrapped the Play Station and put a tag on it that read "to Mom and Dad From Andrea" as I knew that Luke would be snooping.  Sure enough, as soon as he spotted the large box under the tree, he immediately began to investigate.  He asked me what was in it and I said it was new pots and pans for Grandma and Grandpa.  And, just as I knew he would, he promptly forgot about the box.

Christmas Eve night I put my boy to bed and kissed him goodnight.  He was lying there, fingers flying over the imagined Play Station controller,  practicing for the next day.  He was sure his dream would come to fruition and he would be finally holding  a real one.   After Luke finally went to sleep, his Santa gifts were put out (unwrapped, following Simmons tradition), and his stocking was filled.

The next morning his dad and I were sitting in living room as we heard him start to stir.  Realizing it was Christmas morning, his feet hit the floor and he came bounding out of his room and stopped in front of the tree where his brand new hockey gear was set out.  It took a moment for it to register that Santa didn't bring him a Play Station and thought that perhaps he needed hockey shorts and a jersey more.  He stood there, not saying a word then turned and walked into the dining room.  I followed him out and found him standing there trying very hard not to cry.  I bent over and put my arm around him and asked "what's wrong?"  He looked up at me with tears in his big brown eyes and said "what kind of Santa gives a kid clothes?"

Oh, I felt terrible.  My poor little boy was trying so hard not to cry.  I quickly lead him over to the wrapped box of "pots and pans for Grandma" and tore that tag off to reveal a new tag underneath that read "To Luke from Mom and Dad."  It took him a minute to figure out what was going on, but then he quickly ripped the wrapping paper off the box to reveal the long awaited Play Station 2.  Taking a few precious seconds to call Kyle and confirm that he had also received one, Luke and his dad set it up.  Luke did end up spending a very Merry Christmas realizing that dreams do come true, even with a false start or two.

So, fast forward about ten years.  Luke is twenty and living in Kansas City and working for the railroad, which runs 24/7.  This means that he will not be home for Christmas.  And since I this is my year to work on Christmas Day, I won't be going to see him.   The very first time we will be apart on Christmas.  And for this reason I have been drinking too much coffee,  going through old pictures, and shedding a tear or ten.   Would I share a couple you ask?  Why yes, I would love to.

Here he is, probably about five.  

He loved to wear a suit.  

And when he wasn't wearing a suit.....

He was dressing like a police officer.  I believe that some of the clothing was interchangeable.

This was our first Christmas in our new house.  

We had a beautiful real tree for several years.  Finally when I decided to go with an artificial one, Luke declared that I had "ruined Christmas."  He soon got over it.

And of course the yearly pose with Chandler and Chelsea.

It would be hard to get them all in the same place at once now.

Here is one when he was five posing with "Cold Cal."                      

Look at him in that Carhartt.

  

This one is at a family Christmas party

 with my cousin Amy's kids, Katy and Derrick.

And this one of my sweet little boy....

I need more coffee.......