A Part of my Heaven

Not too long ago, my stepdaughter , Matte, asked me a question about Rich.  After I answered her she told me that she had been wanting to ask Luke but was afraid it would make him sad to talk about his dad.  I assured her that she could ask Luke about Rich and that we talked about him frequently.  Although we were still sad that Rich died we also enjoyed telling stories and talking about him.  We still cry now and again, but more and more we find ourselves smiling at the memories.

Rich was very busy in life, and is probably busier in eternal life.  There are many things that are needing his attention and supervision.  He probably chugs his morning coffee just as quickly as he used to so he can get on with his busy day.  He is watching over Luke and his daily activities of course.  There is also a lot of farming and agriculture that needs to be checked on.  And now that Nascar has started, I am sure that demands a lot of his attention.  We take comfort in our imagined scenarios, mostly because we believe that they are true.

After Rich died, Luke would often have dreams about him.  In the dreams he would be talking to Rich about everyday subjects and Luke would feel a great sense of relief.  He would tell Rich that people were saying that he had been killed in a car accident.   Sometimes Rich would just turn and walk away.  Sometimes he would tell Luke that it wasn't a joke and he really had happened.  In one dream they were in the basement and after telling Luke that he had died, he turned and started walking up the basement stairs.  Luke asked him if he could come with him and Rich told him it didn't work that way.  Luke said that some nights it was hard to go to sleep as it was hard to find out again that his dad had died.

They say that time helps to heal and it does.  Luke misses his dad everyday.  But we have gotten to the part where we can remember Rich and enjoy those memories and they are separate from the grief.  This morning Luke told me that he had a dream last night about his dad.  He said they were riding in Rich's Blazer, checking on all the farmers, center pivots and what Lennie Jaworski was up to.  It started to get dark and Rich told Luke he should be heading back to Oscoda soon.  Luke looked at Rich and said that he was living in Oscoda because Rich had died.  And then he asked Rich if he indeed was dead.  Rich told him that yes, he was.  Then Luke asked him "is this Heaven?"  He said Rich looked around at their surroundings and and then looked at him and said "yes, it's a part of my Heaven."  Luke told him that before he left he just wanted to make sure that Rich died quickly in the accident and he didn't suffer.  Rich assured him that he did not suffer.  I believe with all my heart that Rich was once again letting Luke know that he is okay.  And for that I am grateful.

So we continue on toward the one year anniversary of Rich's death.  And I think we will miss him just as much on the tenth Christmas without him as we did on the first one.  And when the tenth, eleventh and twelveth ones get here, we will remember and smile more than we will cry.  And we will wait for and hold on to each message that Rich sends letting Luke know that he is okay and is never too far away.